Survival Tips

Survival Tips
Are you afraid that you might end up stranded in the middle of a forest with only your wits to survive by? Well never fear, for I have written a series of survival tips based on information learned on my school camping trip in 6th grade, wild speculation, and lies.

William's Survival Tips

1. Dont be a Jew.
2. Don't cry. Bears can smell tears from up to 10 miles away.
3. Rivers: Just an innocent part of nature? Or are they to blame for everything bad that's happened to you today? Throw your shoes into the river to teach it a lesson.
4. To determine if those bright red berries are edible, try smelling them. If they don't smell poisonous they're probably fine.
5. Mountain lions will fall asleep if you whistle the techno song 'clubbed to death' by Rob D.
6. In episode 192 of Dragonball Z, Gohan teaches Videl how to fly. You should have watched this episode, because then you wouldn't be stuck in the forest. You'd be flying.
7. If you run into any snakes, just give up, you're pretty much dead no matter what.
8. It's like 98 degrees out. Why are you wearing a jacket? Take off that jacket. S-hit man. This isn't rocket science here. You do WANT to live don't you? If not that is fine with me, go ahead and die I WANT you to.